one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
