Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
