I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
