Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
