Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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