and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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