Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
