Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
