ugly people sure do ruin things
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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