I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
