you would pick up someone in the library
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
