I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
barbara walters just said penis...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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