you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
