ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
