Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
