I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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