is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
