I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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