at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
