glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
