You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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