you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
