dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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