Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
