i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
