y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
