my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
