I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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