$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
