:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
