Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
