wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
