evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
