he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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