Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
