R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
