I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
