When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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