Ambien. No doubt about it.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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