my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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