tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
MIDGETS
????
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
