taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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