Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
