so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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