who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
