please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
