I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
