Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Come on in and take your pants off
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
