I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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