Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you will always have a special place in my vag
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
