My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
