so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I had to cum in my sink.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
