Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if only i could text you this smell
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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