i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
